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My Childhood Dream Comes True

4 Mar

If I’m being completely honest, I don’t care if this video is real or if it’s completely fake. All I know is that when I watched it I felt like a little kid again.

When I was little the one thing I consistently asked for for my birthday and Christmas was a Hoverboard. I had seen Back to the Future 2 and was immediately obsessed with the idea of the Hoverboard. I asked for it knowing full well that it wasn’t real and that I would never actually be able to get one.

As I got older one would assume that I would grow out of my fascination with Back to the Future and the Hoverbard in turn, but MY GOD was that not the case. I only grew to love the movie even more. I’ve probably watched it over 100 times since I first saw it. I have BTTF shirts and toys and even a flux capacitor tattoo, because as we know, that’s what makes time travel possible. For my 25th birthday my coworkers got me the newly released BTTF Lego set because that’s what you get for your birthday as an adult.
About two years ago I bought a replica Hoverboard off eBay for a little over $100. I was just Styrofoam and stickers, this was before Mattel released the replica one, but I didn’t care. I was one step closer to getting my Hoverboard, and now I’m one step even closer.

I don’t care how much this winds up being, again, if it is even real. But I will have me a damn Hoverboard if it’s the last thing I do.

MARIO KART 64

25 Nov

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TOP 10 TERMS MOST USED WHILST PLAYING MARIO KART 64:

1) Fuck you with the lighting.

2) Where did all these bombs come from.

3) Can I not go in reverse?

4) I literally just went from 1st to 4th.

5) Why did we let you be Yoshi?

6) Has Bowser ever won a race in this game?

7) BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

8) I just hit myself with a green shell!

9) Guys lets make a decision now, no matter how drunk we get playing this, we will never play Rainbow Road!

10) Fuck You Peach!!!

WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE

25 Nov

When asked what is best in life, most people would respond with the following:

1) To crush your enemies.

2) To see them driven before you.

and

3) To hear the lamentation of their women.

Those should probably be the only answers anybody should ever give.

However, there are other things that I find to be the best things in life.

This post is inspired by my best friend Matt who showed me a list of things that he thinks are the best things in the world.

This list doesn’t have a finite number of items on it nor, will it ever be truly finished.

It begins here:

1) When you are flipping through the channels and a movie you love is just starting. (Preferably: Jumanji, BTTF, or The Sandlot)

2) When you are looking for a parking spot and find the best one right away.

3) When Paula Abdul reunited with MC Skat Kat

4) That moment when you’re drunk right after you finish peeing.

5) When you arrive at a location faster than your Apple Maps app said that you would.

6) The smell of anything that involves Vanilla Bean.

7) That scene in RANSOM when Mel Gibson yells “Give me back my son!!!!”

8) Playing Mario Kart Drunk (Non Wii, either 64 or SNES)

9) When you figure our the MissingNo. cheat in Pokemon Red / Blue

Like I said, this is a work in progress and will be continuously updated.

LOLLAPALOOZA DIARY: DAY 3 – SWAGURDAY

12 Aug

The third day at Lollapalooza begins the same way the second one did, with the cleaning lady asking us if we would like to have our room cleaned around us. We again respectfully decline. I get up and go to the gym again and then go to meet Rob and Christopher at the diner that is located around the corner.

As I exit the hotel I am greeted by what appear to be a homeless men selling bootleg T-shirts, I see one that I like, and ask if they have a medium to bring home to my brother (When he asks me where I got it, I will be completely honest and tell him “From a homeless guy on the street”, when he rebuttals “Why?” I will say, “ Because you can’t get a more exclusive Lollapalooza shirt than that, all the ones that they have at the festival you can buy online, what good is that, then someone in Fargo who hasn’t left their house in 3 years can claim that they too were at Lollapalooza, but if you get your shirt from the homeless guy on the corner, then people know that you were really in Chicago, and had the balls to talk to a strange homeless man on the street and give him money”)

The very kind homeless man has a medium and I put it in my recently acquired camelback. (I asked one question while purchasing my camelback (A backpack with a built-in hydration device) “What is the protocol for putting beer in the camelback?” to which I was told emphatically “ITS DEFENITELY ALLOWED”)

All three of us for the first time make our way to enter the festival together. We cross though the gates; I get groped by the same man who has so gently caressed me for the past 2 days and it is as delightful as ever.

I have deemed this day SWAGURDAY. SWAG as I use it, is an acronym for SHIT WE ALL GET, not the general air of confidence given off by an individual, as some people have come to adopt it as.

Today I have two goals:

1)    To see Manchester Orchestra

2)    To get all the free shit I can from the festival

The first stop is Green Street. Green street is the environmentalist section of the park, which features local groups and programs who are looking to branch out to the public. Luckily for us, these booths are giving away free stuff. I head over to the Chicago Cinema and Music Convention booth and given them my name and email and I’m rewarded with a free T-shirt.  Next is the Bamboo5 tent. There I spin a wheel and I am asked a question, it is a very tough political question about the issues of the world: “Who gives the best high fives” I respond “This guy right here” ,and point to the man posing the question, and I am given a bracelet. Then its off to the Toyota Yaris tent, where I can do a number of things; I can punch a random hole in a wall and claim a prize, I can make a shrinky  dink (Which is a plastic sheet that when heated shrinks down and becomes a pendent) or I can dress up and take a photo inside the Yaris. I choose to do two out of the three, because as much as I usually enjoy dressing up in weird outfits (Yes I have been dressed as Pocahontas before, but I have a solid explanation…….. The Mulan costume was taken) I don’t feel like doing it here. I make my way up to the wall and punch a random hole, and as a I remove my hand I reveal the coolest wrist purse I have ever seen in my life. That is of course an oxymoron because there is no such thing as a cool wrist purse. It is then off to the shrinky dink table to design my own shrinky dink. You are able to choose from 3 designs, one is a cat with a thought bubble above its head, the second is a cassette tape, and the third is something I can’t remember. I choose to design the cassette tape; I color it green red and yellow and put LOLLA 2011 on the title card. As I am creating my amazing shrinky dink, I take a quick survey of those being made to my left and right, and all the people are making the ones with the cat. I take a closer look and, yes, just as I have suspected, all of these extremely mature people are making the cat say something to the effect of, I <3 Pussy, because of course that is what a cat would say, right? I submit my shrink dink and a wait about 2 minutes and get it returned. I am now finished with the Toyota Yaris tent, but not before I grab a yo-yo to go-go. I take a yo-yo and make my way back towards the stage area.

On my way to the Sony tent to get my free sunglasses, Rob and I are walking down the main street in grant park,  and I am playing with my yo-yo. I am stopped abruptly by a young man who says “Can I see your yo-yo?”  I fight the urge to fake being offended by him asking to see me genitalia and I oblige him. He tells me he wants to have a “yo-yo throw down”, his words not mine. He takes my yo-yo and tried to prove that he is awesome,which he fails to do. He is just throwing the yo-yo down and then swinging it up in the air. Rob must have said “Please don’t hit me in the face” at least 5 times before I finally took the yo-yo back from the kid and just left. I make it to the Sony tent to claim my free Sony sunglasses, and then my work there is done.

It’s about this time that I get hungry, so I leave Rob and head to the food tents. I have heard about a mythical lobster corn dog that is said to be available somewhere, so I set out to find said crustaceans corn dog. I find it, devour it, and it is delightful.

Manchester Orchestra is having an autograph signing at 4:30 at the FYE tent by the Bud Light stage, so I decide to head over there to meet them. I buy their vinyl at the FYE satellite store that is there and get in line. I meet the band, get them to sign the vinyl, and tell them that their show I saw at Terminal 5 was phenomenal. While on line I meet a guy who apparently only has foreign friends, he has a girlfriend from Swtizerland and then 2 French friends. He is from Atlanta

I take their signed record back to the hotel and then head over to find my spot for Manchester Orchestra at the Google+ stage. As I arrive an artist named Lissie’s set is coming to an end, and for her lat song she performs an amazing cover of “Pursuit of Happiness” by Kid Kudi. The next act on stage is Best Coast. I make my way about 8 feet from the stage for them so I can move up for Manchester who are coming on after.  As Best Coast is setting up their equipment the sky begins to turn black. Now granted it is beginning to get late, but not late enough for a sky this color already. What is upon us is not going to be good.

Best coat begins to perform, and the lead singer talks a lot about her cat, yes that’s right, her cat. She even tells a guy in the front row to go fuck himself because he doesn’t like her cat. How she knows that he doesn’t like her feline companion, I am not aware, but she does. Their songs are very cheerful and beachy, which is appropriate, because about 2 songs in, it begins to pour. The slightly muddy space that I had been standing in, is now a river of sludge. The shirt of one of the girls I am standing next to has apparently become to wet to wear, so she removes it and watches the rest of the show in her bra.

I do not object.

My phone is in my pocket this entire time but I know for a fact that there will be some issue with it later on because I’m sure it’s soaked.

Towards the end of their set the skies clear, and I am now only a half an hour away from seeing the only band I really wanted to see at the festival.

The Best Coast fans clear out and all that remain at the fans of Manchester Orchestra. I make my way 5 feet from the stage. The band comes on and they begin to play. They are just as good as when I saw them in NY. Everyone is having a good time and nobody is getting crazy, there was no moshing, or unnecessary crowd surfing.

They end their set with “Shake It Out” and a dedication to a fan who has recently passed a way, and I am satisfied.

My phone is now dead and Foo Fighters have just started. I know if I attempt to call my brother, he will not answer, because he won’t be able to hear his phone, so I decide to just head over to the Foo show.  As I make my way over to the Music Unlimited Stage it begins to pour again, and not just little drops, huge god damn drops. I weigh my options in my head. I can either get soaked in the mud and watch Foo while being nowhere near the stage, or go see one song and then head back to the hotel to clean off all the mud and get ready for the drive home at 3Am.

I choose the latter, and see Foo perform “Famous Last Words” and head to the hotel in the pouring rain.

This is not my ideal way to end Lolla but it is how it happened, and other than the rain, it was an amazing festival.

LOLLAPALOOZA DIARY: DAY 2 – “I APOLOGIZE CHICAGO”

11 Aug

Day two of the festival begins at 9:30 in the morning when I am awoken by the cleaning lady who does a spot on impersonation of my impersonation of any hotel cleaning lady ever as she knocks on the door and say “House Keeping” in a high pitched Spanish accent. I yell at her “No Thank you” and eh come right back, “Would you like me to come back later?” To which I again respond “No thank you”

I guess this as good a time to confess that I “irrationally” do not like hotel attendants to come into my room when I am staying in the hotel, not when I’m in the room, and not even when I’m not in the room. Seeing as how I travel an awful lot for work, I like my hotel rooms to be as dirty as my own room is in my house, it make me feel more at home in a weird way. That being said “NO LADY I DON’T WANT YOU TO COME IN THE ROOM AND CLEAN!!” Especially not at 9:30 in the morning when I am clearly still asleep.

Now that my peaceful slumber (on the floor) has been interrupted, I decide it is as good a time as any to go to the inferno that is the exercise room in the basement, I figured if I get it out of the way now, I wont have to worry about missing an act later because I still have to go to the gym, and it also allows me to be a fat slob without feeling ridiculously bad about myself. So I go the gym, get a quick workout in and head back upstairs to shower. My brother and Rob have gone to find coffee, because they, like most people, need it in order to operate in the morning, where as I on the other hand, only drink it because I feel like I’m obligated to, just because everyone else is. Peer pressure is a crazy thing.

After the shower I put on shorts and a tank top and head over to the festival. During day one I noticed a lot of people walking around with bandanas that had the Lolla logo on them. I stopped a bald man during the day and asked him where he got his, he stopped and was out of breathe, he had been running (towards the kids stage, which I found very odd), he said he got it at the Toyota tent and pointed me in the direction. I walked over to where he pointed and saw the longest line I had ever seen in my life. I confess, this is clearly hyperbole, the longest line I have ever seen was the line to get on Kingda Ka at Six Flag Great Adventure the weekend the ride opened. My reaction to the line for bandanas at the Toyota tent was the same as my reaction for Kingda Ka…… “Fuck that shit, I’ll come back when there’s nobody here”.  I follow this strategy as I enter the park as the gate open for day 2 of Lollapalooza at 11:15am, I head straight for the Toyota tent, and get on line, this time a very short one, to hand over my personal information (Name, email, daytime phone, nighttime phone, twilight phone, address, first born, and 3 pints of blood) to get my bandana. While on the line I realize they are also giving away tote bags for free, as well as letting people peddle stationary bikes in order to power the booth, and by doing so you are given a magical chip which can be redeemed for a slushy. I can not resist free stuff so I wait on the line for the tote and then peddle away like that dude from “Breaking Away” to get the slushy that I so righteously deserve.

It is 12 o’clock and there are no acts on right now that I want to see so I decide to go get a chipotle chicken burrito. Before this I had never eaten a burrito. I have never had a great affinity for beans of any kind, it might be because I never believe what anyone tells me if it comes in the form of rudimentary rhyming schemes that end with potty humor (Beans beans they’re good for your heart, the more you eat the more your fart) I am pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoy this spicy delight. I finish the burrito, and walk over to the PlayStation stage to see if the band is any good. As I walk down the ramp to the stage area I see Rob who has a beer in hand already at 12:30. He say the band isn’t that good and wants to walk around. So we head over to the Perry’s tent where the stage is being graces by DJ Neil Armstrong, now the easy thing to do here would be to say that he was “Out of this world” (You see what I did there, I made a space joke because Neil Armstrong was an astronaut and astronauts explore space, which is not of this world, and also “Out of this world” is a saying people use when someone is really good……. Oh you understood that…….. So I didn’t need to explain it……. Ok I gotcha…… I’ll shut up now) But I wont say that because he wasn’t out of this world, he was just a regular DJ mixing regular songs together like any DJ could.  We stick around Perry’s to check out Super Mash Brothers. They play an eclectic mix of 90’s songs mixed with modern beats while a reel of Kennan and Kel Clips play on the jumbotron behind them. (I had forgotten how much Kel did love orange soda) We head over to check out The Black Lips for a while then I head back to the hotel to take a nap before going back for some shows before the Headliner for the night.

After my nap has concluded I go back over to the park to check out Ellie Goulding, she is phenomenal. I finally get in touch with my brother, and he tells me that he and Rob are heading over to the Music Unlimited stage to catch some of Cee Lo and get their spots for Eminem. I meet them on the lawn, which has begun to accumulate some mud, due to the large amounts of foot traffic and the precipitation that had occurred earlier that day.

I had never seen Cee Lo perform before this, and to be completely honest, if I had, I would have never agreed to meet up with Christopher and Rob. Cee Lo is on stage in a dress and old school WWF Road Warrior’s Shoulder pads (This is not a lie, this is an actual outfit.) If Cee Lo was dripping in testosterone and was the manliest man in the world, he may be able to pull this outfit of, but the second he opens his mouth you know this is not the case. He sounds like a combination of Trudy from The Cosby Show and Mr. Bill from SNL. His performance is terrible. Nobody is enjoying it, including the 3 women he has playing his instruments for him. He even knows he’s terrible, because every sentence he speaks is prefaced with the phrase “I’m sorry Chicago”:

“I’m sorry Chicago, I’m burning up in these shoulder pads”

“I’m sorry Chicago, we are having some technical difficulties”

“I’m sorry Chicago, can I trouble you for one more song, then ill get out of your hair”

He ends his set with “Fuck You”, where I’m almost positive that the majority of the crowd was singing the chorus AT HIM and NOT WITH HIM, and then plays a recording of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”, he doesn’t have the girls play it on the instruments, he literally just has them play a recording of it and walks off the stage.

We move up closer to get better seats for Eminem. We aren’t going to get as close at we were for MUSE the night before, but we are close enough.

I wasn’t aware of this, but if your are standing in a spot at a festival, it is totally 100 % cool for other people to push you out of the way to get closer (where there is clearly no more space) and / or stand in the 1 square foot of free space directly in front of you. After about 30 minute of being pushed and moved past, we and the people around us decide to create a wall that we will from here on out not allow anyone to impregnate. Surprisingly this works very well and only about 2 people try to get through for the remainder of the night.

At 8:30 Marshall takes the stage. About halfway through the amazing performance my brother gets kicked in the head out of nowhere and while I turn around to acknowledge his reaction I find a large man (to large to be crowd surfing) coming down on me. I catch him on my back, so as to prevent the 3 little Asian girls in front of me from getting crush, and with the assistance of my brother, we push him back in the other direction. The little Asian girls thank me for saving them, and offer me some marijuana in return. I respectfully decline. 15 minute later, a shirtless man appears in our area, he is dancing around very closely with people who clearly don’t know him and are clearly getting frustrated. He of course thinks I am his new best friend. He come over to me and we sing some songs together, and then I turn him in the opposite direction, and he is on his way, without a care in the world. 10 minutes later, another man appears, he too is shirtless. (We are apparently in the tops optional section of the crowd, but only men have taken advantage of this rule unfortunately) This man is not as innocent as our last bare chested companion. If the Jersey Shore has taught us anything, it is the art of the Fist Pump (This I when you move your arm and fist in an up and down motion above your head to the beat of a song.) Our shitless companion, (Who clearly ate the mushroom from Super Mario Bros that doesn’t give you an extra life, or make you huge) is not familiar with the proper way to execute said Fist Pump. He instead feels the need to fully extend his arm in front of him, which then goes in front of the person face in front of him, and move it to the left and right. This gets rally annoying really fast. The person who he’s clearly annoying asks him to stop, but he just stares blankly. She asks again, still nothing, this goes on for another 30 minute until finally we all decide to tell this clearly high and intoxicated bare chested man that we see his friends, and that they are calling for him, and he must go to them immediately. Oddly enough this kind of works, he sort of believes us but not before the woman next to me grabs his face (which he mistakes for making a pass at him) and tell him to leave. He downtroddenly obliges, but not before he gropes her. She takes the good with the bad and dismissed the fondling, because she ahs clearly won the war by getting the guy to leave.

The entire time this is going on, two people are going at it on my brothers back. He apparently has a very stable structure, perfect for leaning against to play tonsil hockey. We crack jokes about these people that they cannot hear, but we find hilarious. We ask them to name the child that they have just conceived on the field at Grant Park during the Eminem show after the both of us.

Eminem finishes his set with a medley of his classics and the second night of Lollapalooza comes to an end.

LOLLAPALOOZA DIARY

10 Aug

DAY 1:
After a 14-hour car ride, which included stops at numerous rest stops and coffee at all hours of the night, my brother, our friend and I arrived in the city of Chicago. After the nice British lady that was trapped inside the GPS told us what seemed to be 1,000 times to keep left on US 33 East, we found our way to the general vicinity of our hotel. Apparently “The Windy City” is undergoing extensive reconstructive surgery (My rational was it was the damage The Batman did to it in “The Dark Knight”, but apparently that was not a valid reason). We turned into the parking garage attached to the hotel and waited 15 minutes to be spoke to by the attendant. When he finally spoke to us he told us “Be sure to take everything you may possibly need to use with you, because it could take up to 3 hours to get your car out”, which given the amount of people checking in to the hotel and attending the festival, this seems like a logical reason, but I think he’s just an asshole and doesn’t want anyone to come back and bother him.

After we check into the hotel, (the line was very long and the lobby consisted of people attempting to follow the strict directions provided by the Lolla festival runners for applying your wristband (to be honest, I’ve never been more nervous about putting on a bracelet in my life) we check into the room and my brother and our friend decide to find something to eat, as I decide to go to the gym before heading over to the festival.

The “Exercise Room” is located in the basement of the hotel, right next to what appears to be the security office (By the way: great place to have your security office, in the catacombs of your hotel, where all the crime definitely goes down) Outside of the exercise room is about -20°, inside the exercise room is a good 100° hotter. I go for a quick 1.25-mile run and then shower and head over to the festival.

Getting into the festival is a lot smoother and quicker than I had imagined. I had my wristband mailed to me, so I didn’t have to wait to exchange a paper ticket for a 3-day wristband, or wait in a separate line. All I had to do was wait in a short line, be fondled by a middle-aged man with grey hair to assure that I didn’t have any illicit substances or weapons on me, and scan my wristband. I hear the chirp of the scanner that verifies that yes, I spent $215 for a glorified friendship bracelet, and I am granted access to Grant Park.

The first thing I do is walk towards the large fountain located in the center of the park, around which you can find the staples of any festival, BEER, MERCH, and more BEER. I head over to the merchandise tent like a moth to a flame, because I am a sucker for memorabilia to prove that I was in fact at a place that I visited. I buy a commemorative Lolla 2011 Trucker hat, where the logo looks like the front of a Pabst Blue Ribbon can, which I then wear backwards for the rest of the day (mainly because I look terrible when I wear a trucker hat forward, and secondly to keep my hair out of my face) I head over to the Music Unlimited stage located on the south end of the park to check out The Vaccines, they play the one song I know “Post Break up Sex” and I am satisfied.

AT&T and Grant Park must have had a major falling out in the past because I can only get service on my iPhone within a 10X10 space in the dead center of the park, not even remotely close to any of the stages. I finally contact my brother and see where he is. He in the hotel laying down, he’ll be over soon.

I head to the Bud Light Stage on the North end of the see “Grace Potter and the Nocturnals” as soon as she walks out on stage, I am utterly entranced by Grace Potter. She puts on a tremendous hour and fifteen minute set, where the highlight was when she changed the words of “Paris Oh La La” from “I say oh la la la la la la la” to “ I say Oh la la lollapalooza”

The next act I want to see is Foster the People who will be playing on one of the smaller stages, so I make my way over to the Sony Stage, where evidently I am not the only person who enjoys the musical styling’s of Foster the People. I can’t even make it down the steps to get remotely close to the stage, so I listen from a distance for a while, hear them play “Pump up Kicks” which is the most gleeful song about killing recorded since “Pop Goes the Weasel”, and then head off.

I head back to the hotel to rest before I am faced with one of the toughest decisions of my life; “Which celebrity significant other of the front man for a British rock band do I like more?” sSome people may think that this is a dumb way to decide between which headliner to see at a festival but I say as Conan (The Barbarian) would, “To Hell with them” this is the most logical method I can come up with, so I go with it.

I weigh the options of both candidates, we start with:
Gwyneth Paltrow (Representing Coldplay)
• I find her very attractive (Especially as Pepper Potts) +10
• She was in Se7en (Spoiler Alert: Her head was what was in the box) +10
• She dated Brad Pitt +10
• She named her daughter Apple, and I thoroughly enjoy apples +10
o Total = 40

We then head to
Kate Hudson (representing Muse)
• I find her attractive +10
• Her mother is dating Captain Ron +20
• She has baby from two rock front men +10 (PS watch out Dave Grohl, unless of course you want a baby)
• She was in Almost Famous +100000000000000000
o Total: 100000000000000040

The clear champion is Penny Lane, which means I will be going to see MUSE

My friend Rob and I head over to get our places for MUSE as the set by A Perfect Circle is coming to a close. They finish and we make our way close to the stage and decide to post up in front of the sound stage.

We finally reach my brother on the phone and he claims to have made his way near the stage, we tell him where we are and he meets us there. Upon his arrival he is enraged “I WAS CLOSER TO THE STAGE, WHY DID YOU GUYS MAKE ME COME BACK HERE, IW AS LITERALLY 3 PEOPLE FROM THE STAGE!!!!!!!” This is all being screamed at the top of his lungs and the only thing people can hear around us. Rob and I look at each other and laugh and brush him off. Rob turns to the people to our left “We aren’t together”, to our right “Do you know who this guy is?”

MUSE goes on stage and puts on an amazing show, as night 1 of Lollapalooza come to a resounding end.

He’s Fancy, He’ll Go Glove

5 Aug

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Sports and movies are two of the my favorite things in the world. So one might imagine when the two are combined, my head nears explosion. I preface the following story with this: When someone is drunk, you can learn a lot about them. At the beginning of the summer before last I arrived at my house, greeted by a gathering of people in my back yard (my older brother was having a party). I had just come home from the gym and had planed on going out to the city that night. I saw the people and decided to stay in and attend this party instead.

I had one drink , then another and then another.

The last thing I remember is playing a game of Flip Cup, and then…………. emptiness.

When I awoke the next morning I was greeted by a bottle of Absolute Brooklyn in my bed with me. She had not been gentle with me the night before

As I walked down into my kitchen at 2pm in the afternoon, I was met with disapproving faced, and head-shakes, from my mother and my 2 brothers . The first thing i was asked was, “Do you have any idea what you did last night?” My response of course being “NO” because I did not. Thankfully in his ever-caring kindness, my older brother had documented the waning hours of the night, which had, up until this point, been forgotten by me.

We made our way to the basement and hooked up his camera to the television.

The opening shot looked like a scene that had been left on the editing room floor when they were putting together the final cut of “Cloverfield”. It was shaky camera work, seeing as how my brother is no Martin Scorsese, or even Sofia Coppola for that matter, and eventually it came into focus. The establishing shot was a panning of the party (beautifully done) which then landed on me, head in hands sitting on a bench in my yard (thankfully the events never left the comfortable confines of my yard). This shot last for about two minutes, and was apparently preceded by 58 Min of me doing the exact same thing, I hadn’t moved. My brother then begins to ask me random questions.

These questions culminate with a response that is the inspiration for the title of this post, and proves my qualifications.

The last few minutes of dialogue goes something like this:

Christopher (My older brother): “AJ are you ok?

Me(AJ): I’m fine god dammit, leave me alone (keep in mine at this point I am beyond drunk)

James(My Younger Brother): (Laughter)

Chris: I’m going to ask you one more question.

AJ: Whatever, I hate you

Chris: What was your favorite part of the night?

AJ:(In all honesty, this is what I said) When Gunner Stahl went glove side on Julie “The Cat” Gaffney.

Christopher: (Laughing, but not missing a beat) What if he goes stick?

AJ: He’s Fancy He’ll Go Glove

James: When did tonight become Mighty Ducks 2

AJ: Somewhere towards the middle.

Nobody that entire night has mentioned anything about Might Ducks 2, or any other Emilio Estevez classic for that matter. But it was on the tip of my tongue, because movies of that caliber should never be forgotten.

So if there is a better qualification to write about movies, sports and culture, than Mighty Ducks 2 being your go-to drunk quote movie, I dare you to show me.

In conclusion; Gunner, switch it up every once in a while. When everybody knows what move you’re going to go to in the shootout, it’s a miracle when you do score. However your abilities to lose your Icelandic Accent, change your name, and become the varsity goalie for the third film, are extremely underrated.

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