Rest Stop Condoms

5 Aug

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I am on my way to Chicago for Lollapalooza and I was just in Jersey Shore, PA, that is not a Joke. It is only somewhat ironic that this occurred on the same night that the latest season of the Jersey Shore premiered.

Jersey Shore, PA is everything like the real Jersey Shore and nothing like the real Jersey Shore at the same time, there are no beaches but a lot of people I would never willingly associate with, except the people in Jersey Shore, PA are hicks instead of Douchebag Juice-heads.

While stopped in Jersey Shore, PA at the Citgo station, I picked up a big ass coffee, a brown sugar cinnamon pop-tart, and some gum. After paying the faithful gas station / convenient store attendant, I decided to wander the isles of this glorious fuel refreshment center.

The things that infested the isles could have quite possibly been the weirdest amalgamation of products to be available under the same roof. It was a proverbial cornucopia crap.

The isle caps, which anyone who has ever been to a grocery store knows should have the best products available, were filled with DVDs, however these DVDs were basically bootleg copies of movies that didn’t warrant an actual copy let alone a bootleg copy. They ranged from the Tim Burton / Mark Whalberg “Planet of the Apes” to a Chuck Norris movie that wasn’t “Sidekicks” (RIP kid from”Sidekicks”)

After the end caps the product in the isles spanned the spectrum of useful, toothpaste and snacks, to “who would get this at a rest stop” , shot glasses with Abraham Lincoln on them and #2 Pencils who’s package was running a sweepstakes to win an iPod Mini, that’s right, an iPod mini, a product that hasn’t was last used before the kid from “Sidekicks” died (RIP kid from “Sidekicks”)

The things that really caught my eye in the rest stop were the condoms. Like any good rest stop, this place had a shit load of condoms, and ghetto male enhancement products (Horny Goat Weed). The assortment of condoms was pretty standard until I ventured into the bathroom to pee before getting back on the road. In the bathroom there was a vending machine where one could purchase a glow in the dark condom. Seeing this made me stop and reflect to myself “who would possible use a glow in the dark condom”. After some deep thought I came up with the following list of people who would use a glow in the dark condom.

1) Rave enthusiasts (who would of course use their penis as a glow-stick)
2) Star Wars enthusiasts (who would recreate the light saber battles with their Peni)
And
3) People named Dustin

The fact that glow in the dark condoms exist in the world make me believe that anything in the world is possible. But how well can glow in the dark condoms work? My assumption is, NOT WELL. So if your in the market for a baby, be sure to use glow in the dark condoms. (RIP kid from “Sidekicks)

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